Sherlock Holmes

Ty gives **** stars

Title: Sherlock Holmes

Directed by Guy Ritchie

Starring:

Robert Downey Junior

Jude Law

Rachel McAdams

Release date: December 25th 2009

Sherlock Holmes is one of the greatest literary characters ever written and several films have been made starring Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson, but not quite like the modernization that Guy Ritchie (director of Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, and Rock'n'rolla) has done. This has scared some purists who have read the adventures of Sherlock Holmes from seeing the film, but I say don't let Ritchie's modernizing stop you. Though I have only read a few of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes stories, A Study in Scarlet, A Scandal in Bohemia, and A Sign of Four to be exact, I was able to deduct plot lines and see the simularites in Ritchie's film just from reading a few Sherlock Holmes stories. So how is this movie? I thought it was well written and well acted. Robert Downey Junior (Tony Stark in Iron Man, Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder, Larry Paul on Ally McBeal) did an excellent job portraying Sherlock Holmes. Jude Law (Graham Simpkins in The Holiday, Sky Captain in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, Inman in Cold Mountain) also did a fine job portraying Dr. John Watson as well. Rachel McAdams (Regina George in Mean Girls, Allie Hamilton in The Notebook, Claire Clearly in Wedding Crashers) was also excellent in portraying the character Irene Adler, and those of you who have read A Scandal in Bohemia will enjoy the references from the book to the movie. For the ones who are looking for an action adventure here will most definitely find one and it was enjoyable seeing the amount of time and energy that Guy Ritchie spent on detailing London circa 1891. Though the film seemed to drag when it hit a dry spell in the middle, the film redeems itself in the end. Some people have complained that Guy Ritchie's modernizing Sherlock Holmes was too much and took away from the Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's character, but if one was to actually read Doyle's writings, they would see that like Sherlock Holmes, Richie is exceptionally observant to detail and this can be plainly seen throughout his film. Perhaps those people have seen Sherlock Holmes, but failed to accurately observe.

(500) Days of Summer

Ty gives ** stars

Title: (500) Days of Summer

Directed by: Marc Webb

Starring:

Zooey Deschanel

and

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

and other people that aren't as famous

Release date: July 17th 2009 (Limited)

First of all, I just wanted to say that I was disappointed with this movie. I thought that this movie was going to be beautiful, funny, artistic, and wonderful, but in my opinion it wasn’t. So what is this movie about? It’s a basic boy meets girl story. The boy, Tom Hansen, played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Cameron in 10 Things I Hate About You, Tommy Solomon on 3^rd Rock From the Sun) sees girl, Summer Finn, played by the always lovely Zooey Deschanel (Jovie in Elf, Trillian in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Allison in Yes Man) at work. They eventually meet, eventually fall in love, eventually drift away from each other, and eventually break up. Don’t worry. I’m not giving away anything by saying that they break up. It’s stated in the trailer and happens to be told within the first 60 seconds of the movie. So what are the good things about this movie? Well Tom and Summer are a cute couple. Joseph Gordon-Levitt gets to play a normal, average smuck who falls for the pretty girl in the office. Zooey is adorable throughout the movie, which is what she does best, especially when she sings. The story about their relationship leading to a break up isn't actually original looking back at films like Annie Hall and The Break Up, but feels fresh and new. Talking to one of my students who saw this film in theaters and loved it, the reason why I think he enjoyed the film more than I did when I watched it was because he was empathetic to Tom. I believe that he had been in Tom’s shoes before and that he had fallen for a girl and been in a relationship and while he thought the world was perfect and everything was as it should be, she dumped him. Harsh and hard at the same time, but still very real and I believed that this film really spoke to him. Did this film speak to me? No. So why did I not like this movie? Was it because they didn’t get together in the end? No. That made the film more interesting. No, the reason why I didn’t enjoy this film was one, Tom was at fault in the first place for not listening. I know it’s always easier to see the solution when you are outside of the problem or if the problem is not yours to begin with, but the fact is that while my sister and I were watching this movie, we watched Tom fall in love and we also saw how blind he was to the situation at hand. Watching Tom with Summer is like watching a car wreck. It’s easier to see where and when the wreck is going to happen when you’re outside the car. This is sad but true. Second, I know its considered artsy and creative to jump around with flashbacks, and some movies do it better than others, but this movie is one that did not do the flashbacks as well. Also, having the flashbacks out of order sort of made the film confusing, especially if you weren't paying full attention to the movie, which comes to my third point. The movie was boring. I’m sorry, but it was. One of my great friends once told me right after he had read a short story that I had written, that when it comes to writing any great story, it has to have conflict in it. It doesn't matter what kind of story it is or how long the story is, it has to have good conflict. That was something I had to think about and I still think about it today, which has helped me come to this conclusion. All films are intended to entertain, in this case, entertain me and whoever is watching it. Sure, there are different types of films out there, from biography to documentary, but the sole purpose for a film isn’t to merely inform me about something I didn’t know, but to also entertain me as well. Though (500) Days of Summer might be about something I don't understand or have ever experienced, it should thoroughly entertain me in order to be considered a great film and this film failed to do that.

Zombieland

Ty gives ***** stars (That's the most he's ever given a movie so far)

Title: Zombieland
Directed by: Reuben Fleischer
Starring
Woody Harrelson
Jesse Eisenberg
Emma Stone
and
Abigail Breslin
Release date October 2nd 2009

Wow. This is the greatest film I've ever seen. It's marked as my favorite film made in this century. Does that mean anything to you? Only if you like zombie films. Will you be turned on to zombie films after watching this one even if you don't like zombie films? Maybe. This movie is freakin hillarious. Warning: If you do not like gore, foul language, and violence, do not watch this film. I cannot believe I have to write that warning because, well, IT'S A FREAKIN ZOMBIE FILM! Of course it's going to to have gore, foul language, and violence. For those who didn't realize that?! FAIL! Yes it is rated R. Most zombie films are rated R. That's the way it goes. People die in zombie films. It wouldn't be scary unless someone was eaten. So what is the plot of this movie? There isn't one. How are the special effects? Their aren't any. That is what makes this movie so great. What you see is what you get. What you pay is what you get, except this time if you paid to see the best and most perfect zombie film ever made, you're getting more than you moneys worth. A lot more. Buy your popcorn and candy and enjoy. Ty approves.

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

Ty gives ***1/2 stars

Title: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs
Directed by: Phil Lord and Chris Miller
Featuring the voices of
Bill Hader
Anna Farris
James Caan
Andy Samberg
Release date September 18th 2009
Computer Animated

So what did I think about this film? It was cute. What made the film ever cuter was that my mom took me to go see it. She bought the tickets and the popcorn and we sat in the theater with our 3-D glasses on, all excited. It was great. The one question that people ask me about this film is, "What's this movie about anyway?" So I'll tell you. You start off with a nerdy kid who wants to be an inventor. Flint Lockwood to be exact, voiced by Bill Hader (Comedian for Saturday Night Live, Private Miller in Pineapple Express, Officer Slater in Superbad). As a kid, Flint always wanted to be an inventor and was encouraged greatly by his mom. Flint lives on a small island that was once known for catching and canning sardines. Then one day, people decided they didn't like sardines and stopped buying them, so the town went close to going under. Sometime growing up, Flint's mom passed away. Sad. So Flint is left with his dad, Tim Lockwood voiced by James Caan (Sonny Corleone from The Godfather part one and two, Ed Deline on the tv show Las Vegas) who is a very quiet and simple man who runs a bait shop. Tim never really understood Flint, so over the years he let his wife Fran take care of Flint but he really does love Flint, mostly by letting Flint do his experiments over the years. One day Flint invents a machine that will change everything and make his hometown, Swallow Falls, a great place again full of food and color. (Because the town is kind of gray and the water is kind of brown. Ew.) He invents a machine that will turn water into food! The machine has some name that no one can say because it's so long so we won't go there. Anyways, after a mishap that destroys the new amusement park that the mayor had built to put the town on the map again, fail, the flubberwhatever (food machine) is rocketed into the atmosphere above the town. Flint feels like he's failed yet again. Another person who feels like a failure is reporter Sam Sparks, voiced by Anna Farris, (Cindy Campbell in Scary Movie 1-4, Shelly Darlingson in the House Bunny) who was sent to Swallow Falls to report on the opening of the new amusement park. This was going to be her first story. While she was doing her piece, she kind of got run over by Flint. No pun intended. While she's off for a walk on the dock, indulging in her loserdom, she runs into Flint. They meet. They like each other. They feel sorry for each other. Until she realizes he was the one who ruined her peace, then anger happens, then comes dark clouds come, then comes the rain, but then... cheeseburgers? Instead of water drops falling from the clouds, it's cheeseburgers? Yup. That's how it goes. I won't give away the whole movie, but if you're older than five, you can probably guess how the rest of the movie is going to go. So was the movie funny? Adult funny? or just kid funny? It was both. This movie isn't Shrek by any means but it's good. It's really, really, really, original. I'll stress that. No other cartoon is like it. Being in the 3-D was cool. The 3-D effects wasn't as good as Monsters vs. Aliens, but it was better than UP! So should you regret not seeing it in theaters? Not really. Should you rent this movie even if it's not in 3-D? You can. If you really want to see it, pay the new release price. I don't think you or anyone would be disappointed by it. Should you buy it and watch it in 3-D and experience this movie in it's complete glory? I'd say, watch first, buy later, unless you really want to see food in 3-D and you're dying to see it, than this movie could be the best meal for your eyes that you've seen in a long time.

Juno

Ty gives **** stars

Title: Juno
Directed by Jason Reitman
Starring
Ellen Page
Michael Cera
Jennifer Garner
Jason Bateman
Release date December 25th 2007

So this movie passed me by when it first came out. A lot of people saw it. A lot of people loved it. I was like, "Okay... whatever." And never saw it nor did I think about this film until I came across it in the college library and the idea that I could see this famous film for free made me think about watching it. So I rented it and watched it and... it was cute. Not like, "That's a cute idea. Now get away from me." but cute as in... cute. I really enjoyed this film. It promoted adoption, so yay! If you have to read this review to find out what this movie is about... fail. What's wrong with you? Don't you read a newspaper or watch television? If not, here's the plot. 16 year old girl gets pregnant by the boy she lost her virginity to. Yup. That's it. And she gives her baby up for adoption. So if you're wondering, "Why would I or anyone waste their time watching a movie about this when I can look out in the neighborhood and see this?!" than you're missing the point. This movie is a story about one girls perspective about pregnancy. This film is funny and smart and I think really, really, true. I think when people look back at the decade between 2000 and 2010 and ask, "What style of films came out in this decade?" I would say honest ones. Truthful ones. Ones that weren't always about beautiful people living in a beautiful world, but actors portraying real people living through real life in a world that's different than your own. If you get a chance, watch Juno. Whenever you have a chance to see the world from someone else's point of view, I dare you to take a look. You might see something you've missed or see something in someone else's life that you've seen or felt in your own life. This film gives you one of those rare chances, and you get to see how one girl chose to give her baby to a mom who wanted a child for her own who couldn't have one. This film is about love. Self-sacrificing, unselfish love to a mom from one little teenage girl who got pregnant. Who wouldn't want to watch that?

Definitely, Maybe

Ty gives **1/2 stars

Title: Definitely, Maybe
Directed by Adam Brooks
Starring
Ryan Reynolds
Abigail Breslin
Elizabeth Banks
Isla Fisher
Rachel Weisz
Release date February 14th 2008

I picked this movie up because Rachel Weisz (Rachel in About a Boy, Evelyn Carnahan in The Mummy and Evelyn O'Connell in The Mummy Returns. Fortunately she did not reprise her role in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor, so her character was portrayed by Maria Bello. Good career move for Rachel. Bad career movie for Maria. Fail.) was in it, and I have a big crush on Rachel Weisz so much, that I believe my wife will end up looking like her. So with that out of the way, on with the review. This movie was okay. I like Ryan Reynolds (Wade Wilson, AKA Deadpool in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Hannibal King in Blade Trinity, or for those of you who are old school, Michael "Berg" Bergen on Two Guys, a Girl, and a Pizza Place.) Bergen. That's so cool. Anyways he's a cool guy and I'd be okay with the idea that when I grow older that I could turn out like him, especially in this movie where he plays a good dad. Everyones acting is good. It's good to see a film where Abigail Breslin (Sarah Davis in Raising Helen, Zoe Armstrong in No Reservations, and Little Rock in the upcoming film Zombieland, coming out this Friday, October 9th) isn't an orphan. Yes, all three films that I mentioned involves her parents dying with her and if she's lucky, siblings being the only survivors. Heck, even her small role in Princess Diaries 2: The Royal Engagement she played an orphan. Anyways, all three women in this film who could be her mom are incredibly hot, I mean extremely beautiful and attractive in their own way. ElizaBeth Banks (Beth in The 40-Year Old Virgin, Beth in Role Models. What's up with that? Maybe it makes it less confusing playing a character named after oneself?) plays Sarah Hayes who seems like the perfect small town girl. Isla Fisher (Gloria Clearly in Wedding Crashers, Denise in Hot Rod) is that girl from the big city who likes to try out new and exciting things, and Rachel Wesiz is that uber smart one who likes to sleep with her college professor. So what is this movie about? It was kind of confusing, so I'm going to uncomplicate it for you. This little girl whose parents are like separated asks her dad what her mom is like. Side note. She knows her mom. She lives with her mom sometimes. She just wants to know what her mom was like when her dad met her mom, not that her mom is dead or absent or that she has no idea who her mom is which for some strange reason this film seems to imply. So he tells a story that unravels as the film progresses about his past and the three women that were apart of his life and tells his daughter to guess which girl ended up being her mom. Weird? Yeah. Cute? Sort of, but not really because if a dad did this to his 12 year old daughter, she would probably be confused, then get bored, and then go to sleep. The end. Will you get bored and fall asleep? Not unless it's late and you have no interest in this film because you think that it's a chick flick and you have class the next day like my roommate, but even though all these things are true, he was interested enough to watch the first part of this movie. It will keep you interested enough to finish the film, which I guess is part of the point when it comes to the movie making business, but is it worth your 3 bucks or whatever you pay to rent a movie? Yeah sure. A dollar for each girl right? No, sorry. Bad thought. Anyways the question to ask is, "Will this movie change your life?" Probably not, but if you're just trying to find a movie that will entertain you and your girlfriend or your own boredom than sure why not. You'll watch it. You'll forget it. And...
................................................................................................................... what was I writing about? Oh yeah, that movie with Rachel Weisz where she's hot... Wait. That's every movie she's been in so far. So go rent one of those other films. I suggest starting out with The Mummy then The Mummy Returns. Chicks who fight with knives and do the splits. Oh Yeah. That's Hot.

Interview

Ty gives ***1/2 stars

Title: Interview
Directed by Steve Buscemi
Starring
Steve Buscemi
and
Sienna Miller
Release date July 13th 2007 (limited)
Remake of the 2003 Dutch film, Interview

This was a very intriguing film. Basically, Steve Buscemi (Mr. Pink in Reservoir Dogs, Rockhound in Armageddon) plays Pierre Peders, an @ss hole writer who would rather be anywhere then interviewing Katya, the famous blonde soap opera actress in front of him played by Sienna Miller (Tammy in Layer Cake, Anna, AKA The Baroness in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra). In the original film, it was a reporter interviewing an actress named Katja played by Katja Schuurman, a Dutch soap opera star who I'm guessing was playing herself. In this film, I think it would've been cooler if Sienna Miller had played herself opposed to a soap opera star, but that would make the film more complicated. Anyways, the films plot is basically about a reporter who unprofessionally judges the subject that he has been assigned to interview and is unimpressed by the first impression he's made of her in his own mind before he's even met her. Pretty much he fails as a professional reporter and as a person. Once he gets past his own bias and actually looks and takes an interest in his subject, he starts to see her in a different perspective. Though she looks vapid, selfish, vain, and spoiled, she's a lot smarter, faster, more intelligent and a better actress than he ever realized. This is another film that explores what happens when two people who are alone together at night and ask each other the brutally honest questions that nobody asks. I believe this is what intimacy is all about. Exploring each others lives and getting to know someone deeply by sharing and opening yourself up to them, without wanting or expecting anything in return. I'm going to stop writing now because this film has a great ending that I loved and if you're wondering whether or not you should rent this movie, I say sure. Go ahead. Pay your 2 and a half bucks for it. It won't waste your time and maybe you'll learn that when you open up to a complete stranger you have no interest in and they decide to take a risk and open up to you, that relationship might change your life in ways you never expected and you'll learn something about that person that you never could've guessed, and maybe, just maybe, you'll learn from them something about yourself that you never knew and failed to realize is there in your own life. This film is about what happens when you take that risk, and it represents perfectly when life imitates art or how at least it should.

The Ugly Truth

Ty gives ***1/2 Stars

Title: The Ugly Truth
Directed by Robert Luketic
Starring
Katherine Heigl
Gerard Butler
Eric Winter
John Michael Higgins
Cheryl Hines
Release date July 24th 2009

So after seeing this movie, my friends who I saw it with asked me the question, "Is this considered a chick flick or a romantic comedy?" Well both and neither at the same time. I would like to classify this film as a sex flick. A movie about sex that's supposed to be funny because lets face it, sex is funny. In this movie you have Katherine Heigl (Dr. Izzie Stevens on Grey's Anatomy, Jane in 27 Dresses, Alison Scott in Knocked Up) who plays Abby Richter. An award winning producer on a morning talk show whose ratings are falling. The network decides to hire someone on that will make the show more interesting. Enter Gerard Butler, (One Two in Rock'n'rolla, King Leonidas in 300, The Phantom in Phantom of the Opera) as Mike Chadway, a crash, chauvinistic, tactless, says it like it is, TV personality, that gets all the male viewers of this movie rooting and or laughing their heads off as women look on in disgust. So since this movie is borderline a romantic comedy, you know how this works. Whether it be a Meg Ryan flick like When Harry met Sally or You've Got Mail, to a Julia Roberts blockbuster like Notting Hill or Runaway Bride or even Kathrine Heigl's own 27 Dresses, it's almost always the same thing. Guy meets girl or girl meets guy. They don't like each other. By the middle of the film they hate each other. The next scene, they're in love and trying to swallow each others tongues. Closing credits. Happily ever after. The end. Blah, blah, blah... boredom. But is this movie a romantic comedy or even a "chick flick"? Not really. Why? Well a chick flick is usually a movie that a woman can either A, relate to, or B, a fantasy that a woman wants. I'm pretty sure most women are not incredibly beautiful women on top of their industry, who have a ruggedly charming, handsome yet repulsive, male co-worker that they have to baby-sit during office hours who happens to be in love with them, and I'm pretty sure that even though most women would love to go to work everyday and see Gerard Butler, they'd stop wanting him when he tells them that they're a bitter, fat, wound up hag, and advises them to try and not trip over their cat or pussy while they're eating ice cream while walking on their StairMaster. That's actually close to a line from the movie, and either way it's a lose lose situation for women. I'm sorry ladies but chick-flick = fail. Anyways, so is this movie good enough to pay full price for? There has only been one romantic film that I've seen that I've suggested people go to the movie theater and see as soon and as quickly as possible and that was The Lake House. With a few rare exceptions, no romantic comedy or chick flick should be paid full price for in the theaters. These movies are meant to be watched at home on the couch, that way you can discuss or argue over them with your significant other after the movie is over. So no. Rarely should you pay full price for a movie like this in theaters and no you should not pay full price to see this one. Also, I would like to point out that this movie is rated-R, which was a surprise to the four of us watching, especially when you're sitting there expecting a PG-13 film and they say f*ck a dozen times through out the movie or when Katherine Heigl says c*ck like 7 times in a row, just so she can say c*ck. So yes. This movie is rated R and I thought I'd throw this out as a warning. So bottom line. This movie made me laugh. Why is it that brutal honesty makes everybody laugh or blush or both? Is it considered a breath of fresh air when people tell the truth? I get the same response when I start talking around people I don't know. What is it that makes the ugly truth so attractive? Maybe, which is true when it comes to looks, it doesn't matter what appears on the outside. It's the deeper meaning and knowing the truth that lies on the inside that is really the most alluring and beautiful thing we can experience, and the truth, though it might be surround by ugliness, is what really shines through.

District 9

Ty gives **1/2 stars

Title: District 9
Directed by Neill Blomkamp
Starring
Nobody I know
Release date August 14th 2009

I just have to say this is another film produced by a famous director opposed to being directed by said famous director himself. (Review previous blog entry.) Peter Jackson (Director of The Lord of the Rings trilogy) to be exact. So this film is about Aliens, but not the kind of aliens in films like Independence Day, Men in black or well... Alien. Though these aliens look scary, they are not. A friend of mine who was watching the movie with me said they were pacifists. I say they were just lazy. Aliens who don't fight back to me doesn't make sense. Even humans fight back.
So lets talk about the plot. The aliens come to earth. The aliens ship stops for some unknown reason and floats in mid-air. We, the humans go up to the ship and find literally over a million sick aliens. We bring them down to Earth and nurse them back to health and then we keep them in an area that resembles the slums called District 9 and don't let them leave. We take away their weapons, we take away their rights, and we let gangsters come in and take advantage of them for twenty years so they can adapt and become just as horrible as most human beings on the planet. Also, there's this plot about people not liking the aliens and people who think the aliens should be moved. People who love the aliens and people who hate them. So lets move them to a concentration camp away from everybody in the middle of Africa. Great.
This film is supposed to be about racism towards not another human being, but a new intelligent species. To be honest, I don't care. When it comes to my thoughts on racism, this is it so listen up. Don't treat people like they're special. Don't treat people any better or worse than you would treat anybody. If you could imagine wanting help in a situation and you come across someone where somebody might need your help, then by all means help them. But people shouldn't be obliged or feel obligated to go out of there way to help someone, just because they think that they should. If they had kept this philosophy in this movie, this is what would happen. Find aliens. Feed and water aliens. Release aliens back into space. The end.
So was the movie well made? How were the special effects? Well this movie was made to resemble a documentary. Think Cloverfield, except less shaky on the camera work and less exciting. The special effects were pretty dog gone cool. The weapons were out of this world. No pun intended. Some people loved this movie. Awesome. Some people saw great depth and insight into this movie. Okay. Whatever speaks to you. Should you pay whole price to see it? It depends on why you're seeing it. If you're looking for the baddest, biggest, action movie of the summer, this is not it. If you want to see something different that might provoke you to think, you could give this movie a try. If you really don't care about aliens who landed here on accident and weren't allowed to leave, then you're in the same boat as me.
But here is my question. What's the point? What is Neill Blomkamp trying to say? That humans are more interested in helping an alien race than human beings or that as humans we treat whoever we think is beneath us like cockroaches but pretend we care about them as long as we don't have to look or think about them? Is he trying to show us that this is wrong? Guess what? It is wrong. We knew that from the beginning. We don't need a film about cruelty to show us how bad the world is, and throwing in a plot twist about walking in another mans or aliens shoes isn't going to provoke the world to be a stronger, better, race of people. Next time you try directing a film, try teaching us something we don't know. Fail.

The Orphanage (El Orphanato)

Stars Ty Gives 1/2 *

Title: The Orphanage (El Orphanato)
Directed by Juan Antonio Bayona
Starring...
You probably don't know any of these people.
I didn't since this is a Spanish film so I'm not
going to list them.
Released December 28th 2007

This movie totally vacuumed, meaning it sucked. I didn't mind being freaked out by The Village, which had me on the edge of my seat and then having the ending knock me back on my butt, but this movie is not the Village. Even mentioning M. Night. Shyamalan's The Village is kind of an insult here. (M. Night Shyamalan, director of The Sixth Sense. Unbreakable, Signs, The Village, Lady in the water, and The Happening.) The only reason why my fellow movie reviewer Tiffany and I rented this movie was because we thought Guillermo del Toro directed it. (Guillermo del Toro, director of Blade 2, Hellboy, and Pan's Labrynth.) He produced it. I guess we failed because we fell into the trap of when good directors produce films and the public mistakes the movie as being directed by them because, I don't know, their name is on it. Tarantino is notorious for this. (Quentin Tarantino, director of Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Kill Bill, Deathproof, and Inglorious Basterds.) J.J. Abrams also produced Clovefield instead of directing it. (J.J. Abrams, the creator of Alias, Lost, and Fringe, and directed M:I 3 and Star Trek.) So since most of this review I've wasted on talking about other peoples work, is there anything good about this movie? This movie is genuinely creepy, but makes no sense whatsoever and has an ending that'll make you rethink some parents and how stupid they can be. Ironic for a movie called The Orphanage.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Stars Ty gives **1/2

Title: G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Directed by Stephen Sommers
Starring
Channing Tatum
Marlon Wayans
Sienna Miller
Rachel Nichols
Dennis Quaid
Release date August 7th 2009

This movie is every boys wet dream . This movie has action, explosions, and a contempt for France, since a lot of the action and explosions involve blowing up the streets of Paris and destroying the French's much loved Eiffel Tower. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Back to the wet part. This movie also has hot babes clad in leather, battle suits with low, unzipped zippers, and high heels who kick butt with their martial art skills, shoot guns that never miss, and jump out of helicopters. Pretty cool. And of course they're nice to look at. I do appreciate the guys too. Channing Tatum (Step Up as Tyler Gage and She's the Man as Duke for you girls, and Coach Carter as Jason Lyle and Fighting as Shawn MacArthur for you guys) plays... well, a guy named Duke and is pretty much a rock star who knows it without trying to show it. He's a good guy. An all-American hero. He's the perfect G.I. Joe. He also has a good buddy who is his side kick, equal, and friend played by Marlon Wayans (The Sixth Man as Kenny Tyler and White Chicks as Marcus Copeland) who plays Ripcord. The girls, otherwise known as Sienna Miller (Nikki in Alfie, Edie Sedgwick in Factory Girl, Victoria in Stardust) plays the bad girl clad in black, known as The Baroness, and Rachel Nichols (Rachel Gibson on Alias, Jessica in Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry met Lloyd, and Galia, the green skinned alien on Star Trek. OMG WTF!) plays the fiery red headed Shanna 'Scarlett' O'Hara. Haha. Oh, and there's Dennis Quaid (If you don't know who Dennis Quaid is, fail. Look him up on Google.). He's the man in charge and well, they really didn't need to hire someone like Dennis Quaid for the role of General Hawk. So we have an alright cast. Great.
So how is the plot? It's pretty decent. Pretty complicated. Too complicated to write about but if you were a fan of the cartoon G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero or the G.I. Joe comics, both of which I wasn't allowed to watch or read when I was a kid, then you probably know a lot more about G.I. Joe than I did. I was more of a Transformers kid. Anyways, the plots alright and pretty easy to follow. A couple of twists and turns and a whole lot of back story. That's pretty neat.
So how are the special effects? Well good And bad. Some special effects are great. The scenes were they're shooting people, destroying buildings, jumping over and running through trains, and a Humvee that flips cars through the air are pretty amazing. Other scenes such as the ships that go through the water in the Arctic, the green stuff that explodes out of the warheads and eats its way across anything metal, and the grey metal thing that comes out of the Humvee that flips the cars and folds out like something out of Transformers yet looks like its made out of cardboard are way cheesy. It's like they forgot to finish these scenes or simply put too much time and money on the good stunts and not enough on the others.
So lets talk about some things I was puzzled by. One. Jonathan Price (Gov. Weatherby Swan in Pirates of the Caribbean 1,2, and 3) plays the American president. The filmmakers know he's British right? Welsh actually, and he sounds exactly the same from the Pirates trilogy. Two. Joseph Gordon-Lewitt (Angels in the Outfield as Rodger Bomman, 10 Things I hate about you as Cameron James, and Brick as Brenen Frye) has come a long way and has a rather impressive acting career, happens to be in the critically acclaimed film 500 Days of Summer this year, yet chooses to be the baby faced kid brother Rex in this movie? He's a year younger than Channing Tatum and happens to be older than Sienna Miller by a few months and yet he's playing the little brother? Just because you look young, does not mean you need to act young. 3. Cameos of people are supposed to be clever and funny. Stephen Sommers who not only directed this movie but was made famous for directing The Mummy and The Mummy Returns had Brendan Fraser cameo in this movie. Makes sense since Brendan Fraser plays Rick O'Connell in those movies, except that they probably spent less than thirty seconds on this cameo and from what I could tell when watching the movie they barely or didn't even introduce who he was. FAIL. A good example of a cameo is Arnold Vosloo (High priest Imhotep in The Mummy and The Mummy Returns) as Zartan whose cameo shows him in one scene as the guy walking a camel through the Egyptian desert at night. Now that's LMAO funny. Then there's Kevin J. O'Conner who like Helena Bonham Carter with Tim Burton, seems to cameo in almost everything directed by Stephen Sommers. The Stephen Sommers movies he's been in so far are Deep Rising as Joey Pantucci, The Mummy as Beni Gabor, Van Helsing as Igor, and G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra as Dr. Mindbender. He's kind of creepy, like Helena Bonham Carter, so I guess that works.
So is this movie worth your $7,00, $8,00, $9,00 dollars to go see? No. Is it worth a dollar or a free coupon out of Redbox machine? Maybe. To sum up, this movie is nothing but hot individuals running around a computer generated world doing things we wish the actual military could do. The end. Like I said in the beginning. Every little boys wet dream.

The Brave One

Stars Ty gives ***1/2

Title: The Brave One
Directed by Neil Jordan
Staring
Jodie Foster
Terrence Howard
Naveen Andrews
Nicky Katt
Release date September 14th 2007

This is a dramatic film about revenge. This movie is about a woman who was beaten along side her fiancee while they were out walking their dog at night in a park. She recovers, slowly, in the hospital. He does not. She simply tries to go on living. She's coping. She's trying to overcome her fear by walking out the front door of her apartment without being afraid. She's trying to get her mind off things and get her mind back on work. She's trying to be patient and understand that the NYPD are on her side and trying to help her. But it's a big city, and her case is cold. Her case is old and their are no witnesses. So, she goes and buys a gun. Well, she tries. New York isn't like Kansas. In New York, they have strict laws about guns and licenses. She doesn't want to wait. She gets a gun illegally and carries it in her purse like mace along with her lip gloss. It's there just in case. Just in case of what? This film asks the viewer a lot of questions. The film asks, "What would you do?" What would you do if you were in the back of a convenient store, picking out which soda you want when someone barges in, screaming, pulls out a gun and shoots the girl behind the counter in the chest over and over. You stand there, quietly, and in shock. Your cell rings. He hears you. He still has a gun and it still has bullets in it. He's alert. He's wide eyed. He knows your in there, somewhere. He comes looking for you. He slowly walks down the isle towards you. You have a gun. It's loaded. You've never shot a gun before in your life, let alone at a human being. What would you do? If you don't grab that gun and turn off the safety, soon, he is going to find you. You have only moments. If he even thinks that you are somewhere in his vicinity, he will shoot at you. His bullets will most likely hit you and kill you. He just murdered a girl in cold blood. Nothing is going to stop him from murdering you. Now is your chance. He doesn't see you, but you see him. You are directly across from him. The gun is in your hand. It's pointed at him. He still doesn't see you. All you have to do, is squeeze the trigger.
As for the more specific things about this movie like the acting or the story, the movie is intriguing. Jodie Foster (Silence of the lambs as Clarice Starling, Panic Room as Meg Altman, Inside Man as Madeleine White) as Erica Bain is and always will be a great actress, even though she kind of looks like a teenage boy in this movie. Terrence Howard (Iron Man as Col. James Rhodes aka Rhody, August Rush as Richard Jeffries, Idlewild as Trumpy) as Detective Mercer in my opinion is always better as a good guy than he is a bad guy, and Naveen Andrews (Sayid Jarrah on Lost) as David Kirmani is a interesting and unlikely candidate for a love interest. This film shows that racism and stereotyping doesn't apply to everyone. But for some it does. For some people, there is no difference between white and Indian, and black people aren't always gangsters holding guns and knives, mugging people on the subway. People from India aren't always terrorists. Sometimes, they're just some guy on street about to get married. But, some black people are out to mug, rape, and kill. But this movie clearly shows that a black person can kill, a latino can kill, a white collar male can kill, and a blonde white woman can kill too. This movie is not Kill Bill, though their are elements of that here. She was about to be married. She lost her fiance when he was brutally killed and she could not stop it. This movie also has elements of Death Sentence which coincidentally enough was released exactly two weeks before this movie, which is about a white collar male whose son is slaughtered during a gang initiation before his very eyes. He wants justice which he doesn't get, so he buys a gun and goes on a killing spree. The problem with that movie is that during his killing spree, he loses his wife and almost loses his other son to the gang that killed his pride and joy and gives himself a death sentence by finishing what he started, even though his youngest son will live to see another day as an orphan. Epic fail. Also, Kevin Bacon is not a bad @ss. Jodie Foster, on the hand is. Should you then watch this movie? It's pretty good. Hollywoodized of course. (If you don't know what Hollywoodized means, in a cop movie it means the cop always figures out the case in the end, even though in real life he would never act that way and never have a chance of figuring out what happened.) It's not overly gory and the language isn't bad. She doesn't get raped, so that is a plus. The ending is what gets me. It's not what I wanted even though part of me thinks I wanted that, but deep down I didn't want the movie to end the way it ended. I think if I was younger or less mature, I'd like the ending, but as a good friend of mine once said to me, "I'm older. I know where I stand. I can figure out what's right and what's wrong, and I can stand behind that." I think if you're a strong Christian or at least a highly mature person, you won't like this ending either. The ending to this film might have given the public what they wanted, but not necessarily what they needed. People are smart enough to pick out what they think is right. Hollywood is not.

Terminator Salvation

Stars Ty gives * * *

Title: Terminator Salvation
Directed by McG
Staring
Christian Bale
Sam Worthington
Anton Yelchin
Moon Bloodgood
Fourth film in the Terminator franchise
Released date May 21st 2009

So, how good was this movie? It was alright. Is it as good as Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day or Terminator 3: Rise of the machines? Well it's not as good as Terminator one or two and anything is better than Terminator 3. No offense Kristanna Loken. You're still hot, but your movie isn't very good. Did I think it followed the storyline when it comes to the other three films? Well since they didn't use much of the past in this film and focused only on the present, there wasn't much fault. Christian Bale (Batman Begins and The Dark Knight as Bruce Wayne) who plays John Connor thinks he's a bad @ss. Sam Worthington who plays Marcus Wright is a tough guy as well. Moon Bloodgood who plays Blair Williams seems more of an actual tough guy then both of them put together. Bryce Dallas Howard (The Village as Ivy Walker, Lady in the Water as Story) who plays Kate Connor was wasted in this movie. Helena Bonham Carter (Fight Club as Marla Singer, and the past five soon to be six films directed by her lover/life partner/father of her child Tim Burton) who plays Dr. Serena Kogan has a cameo that was a little weird, and not in a cool way. Is she trying to crossover into movies not directed by Tim Burton? Cause, it's not really her cup of tea. Try cameoing in one of David Fincher's films. I'd pay to see that. (David Fincher, director of Fight Club) Anton Yelchin (Star Trek as Pavel Chekov) was cool, running around shooting anything that moved. Jadagrace who plays Star, the youngest one in the cast was probably the best actor in this movie and she didn't even have any lines. Just like Devon Aoki who played Miho in Sin City. Both girls were pivotal and memorable. So how were the special effects? For those of you who all you care about is special effects, they were pretty cool, and massive. But special effects do not make a movie. Just look at The Matrix Revolutions. So was this movie confusing? It wasn't for me, but I've seen all three Terminator movies and watched Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, which in my opinion, the first season was better than this movie, but that's just me. If you liked it, cool. If you liked it and thought it was confusing because you haven't watched the others or haven't seen one and two in a long time, watch one and two. Not three. Fail. If you didn't like this movie because it wasn't your cup of tea, than watch something else. Don't give up on sci-fi though. Watch Star Trek instead.